Haunted

Sometimes I still open his Petly page. I don't know why... I guess maybe to make me feel like he is still here. Sometimes the page just makes me mad.  Did they really have to update his page to that terrible rainbow bullshit?  Sometimes it makes me mad... but most the time I just cry.

I'm reminded of the unfortunate ending to his life on earth. I am reminded that time was cut short. I instantly remember the multiple vet appoints; how they felt, what he experienced, what I experienced.  I remember the long months of watching him get worse and worse. It is like I instantly relive it all over again.  I remember every detail so vividly.  It's haunting. 

I don't know that I could ever have another dog.  Maybe the pain is still too fresh.  It's has been 6 months and it still hurts like it was yesterday. I thought I could be strong and this would get easier.  I was wrong. It doesn't get easier, and as the days go on I only feel weaker. Death really is an awful, awful thing and I still haven't figured out how to cope with it.