Deactivation. Done.

This morning I deactivated my Facebook account.  It was a bitter sweet feeling, and I hope to stick to it.  I know a lot of people have deactivated and then end up right back in the Facebook world.  I don't want to do that.  I want to leave the Facebook world and live in the real world.  Here's what convinced me:

1.  I have lived in Seattle for what will be 3 years in August.  Since I have lived here I have not made any new real relationships, besides the few I have developed with people at work.  I have continued to drive home every other weekend to visit my friends in Tri-Cities, and when I am not home I have used Facebook to stay in touch.  I love my friends back home, but I don't live there.  I can't live physically in Seattle and mentally in Tri-Cities, and the effort to try and "live" in two places is hard.

2.  I loose track of what I need to be doing.  Its easy to log onto Facebook during work and get sucked into who is doing what and what the latest pictures that were posted were.  I do not want to be sucked into that. When I am at work I need to focus on my work.  I want my boss and coworkers to look at me and know I am a good person and a hard worker.  If I deactivate the account the temptation will not be there and I can focus on my job.

3.  I start being hard on myself.  I look at everyone graduating college (when it's right around the time that I should be doing the same). And it makes me feel like I failed, it makes me jealous, and it makes me insecure. "I should have a college degree.  I should be there too!" I look at pictures of all my friends going out and having fun and it makes me sad that I am not there, and scared that I will slowly lose touch.  I start to criticise my life because I get so caught up in what "looks better" in other peoples.

4.  I begin to envy others. This goes along with number three.  As I look at what other people are saying, doing, wearing, seeing, going, etc, etc, etc, I start to to think "why am I not doing that?"  "Why don't I look like that?"  Facebook allows you to follow other peoples life, the problem is I get so stuck in following their lives, that my life becomes just that... a follower...

5.  I find myself creating what I want my image to be rather than just being me and letting my true image shine.  I know when pictures are posted everyone will see them, so of course I only post happy fun pictures that make me look good.  I know when I write my status that it will be placed on a news wall for friends and family to see - this is a good and bad thing.  Sure there are certain things that are public and others that are private... but I just want to be me.

I have enjoyed Facebook .  I think it has allowed me to stay in touch with so many people, and that is the one thing I truly cherish about the social network.  But with where I am at, I need to live my life a little.  I need to stop obsessing and using it as a back up when I am not feeling at home.  I need to learn to be comfortable in my surroundings and be okay with just being me.  I think deactivating my account will be a good start.  I hope it will allow me to stop using Facebook as a crutch for not being "home". 

Maybe this will be the start to me figuring out where I really want to go, without having anything there to influence me... One thing I know... I sure am gunna have a lot more free time now!!!!