Struggles Come and Struggles Go.

I wanted to sit here and write a blog about how stressed out I am about trying to figure out how to pay for schooling.  I wanted to bitch about how annoying it is that my parents don't support me in the chasing of this dream.  I wanted to rant about the irritations and frustrations that have been poisoning my mind on and off through the last few weeks and then it dawned on me...

what a negative little brat I am being!!

Lately I have struggled with figuring out how I would pay for massage school.  I had to deal with many obstacles and even had to push my start date back to October.   This has been something that I wanted so badly, and to put it off another 6 months because of money really hurt my ego.

 Key word: EGO. 

We all this ego that we deal with on a day to day basis.  This ego is this picture we have created in our heads of how things should be.  It tells you, you NEED certain things when really... you don't. It tells you, things should be certain ways, when really... they aren't.   Mine was telling me I NEEDED to start massage school NOW.  I NEEDED to prove to everyone I could do it even without the support of some others.  I NEEDED to start in June so that I can hurry and get school done with before I get too "old".  Lies, Lies, Lies.

What I need is to be happy, to be content with who I am, to love myself and love others, and everything else will fall into place along the way.

 I need to focus on breathing, feeling my feet take each step, and truly enjoy each moment of the day.  With the negative thoughts and irritations I found it impossible to get my work done, smile, spend time being happy with my love, and enjoy anything that was going on in my life.

It was frustrating to learn this past week that due to my parents income I don't qualify for financial aid, and due to barely having any credit I don't qualify for a loan without a cosigner - BUT what a great lesson I am learning.  I now know I need to build my credit.  I now know the amount of money I need to save in order to get into massage school.  Sure I can't start school in the next two weeks like I planned...

but I WILL go to school, and I WILL be great. 

I started today basking in my negative and ugly sorrows, but I will not end my day the same way I started it.  The rest of the day WILL be a celebration.  A celebration that its not raining (at the moment) in Seattle, a celebration that my love is in town and I am lucky to come home to him today, a celebration that I have a job that supports me and will allow me to start putting away money, a celebration that I now have 6 more months to figure out my school funding.  The remainder of the day will be a celebration simply to celebrate.

Struggles come and struggles go,

 but it is how we get through them that defines us.

I will get through this small bump in the road and I will do it with a smile on my face and faith in my heart.  God knows my passions and promises to provide. Out with the crap in with the faith!! :)